Saturday, 9 November 2013

Internal conflicts

I made this blog to be about crafty things, but I feel I need to to post this too. I wrote this earlier this week and posted it on a forum for cfs/me sufferers. It helped a lot of people, so I'm posting it here as well.

'Dear' CFS, Anxiety and depression.

You make me tired. You stop me from sleeping at night. You make it hard to wake up in the morning. You make me want to sleep during the day. You make my brain sleepy. I don't want to sleep during the day. I want to sleep at night. All night. I want to drift away to sleep easily. The Human n me wants to get up early, be productive, carry on til dusk, and then some, doing what I love best. Then fall right asleep.

You make it hard for me to do the things I love. You make me think I'm not doing enough, or that I'm doing too much. You stop me concentrating. You skew or twist people's perceptions. You make up your own perceptions. You stop me from being productive. I want to do all of the things I love, but you make it complicated. I want to crochet all day if I want to. I want to make earrings if I want to. I want it to be ok that I want to do these things.

You make my muscles ache. I want to move around

You make my legs constantly ache. I want to sit without pain.

You make me not want to do things. You are manipulative, cruel and sly. You make me believe I'm not good enough. Therefore, I'm not. You don't help me when I need help to escape from you. I want to escape, I want to be a good person. Not lazy, not tired, not blind, not useless.